I am writing to apply for the role advertised.
It is a nice role, and we believe that we are nice people, who will nicely fill this role.
Since we were born we have been incredibly passionate about this role. We have the necessary skills, experience and shoe size to fill this role. Indeed, we have transferable skills to any position. (Cassia can put her feet behind her head).
We have experience in this sector and in every sector and even once had work experience as a sector-tary.
As highly motivated individuals we are driven to success: we open our own doors, thank you. We generate solutions to problems where problems do not exist.
Some would say you would be a fool not to hire us (www.wikipedia.com/fools).
We look forward to meeting you in person at your earliest convenience (Sunday 22nd April at 5pm (sharp)) to demonstrate our extensive interpersonal skills and excellent qualifications.
Cassia and Georgina
Square Peg, Round Hole
P.S. Not Quite is a piece of tragicomedy devised by professional losers, Cassie Symes and Georgina Thomas whilst undergoing a residency at Theatre Delicatessen. It follows two young people on an epic quest for success, affirmation and employment.